my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We left an ass print on the piano.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
