i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
