I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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