the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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