Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
