A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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