why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
