just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
