How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
