I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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