Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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