Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
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she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
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I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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