she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
