I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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