Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
