i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
