i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
