Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
