Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
