you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
your address is 607B right?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest