Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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