This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.