all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I've blown a few things in my day
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.