The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets