You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.