why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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