do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
