Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
