I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
