It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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