You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize