And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i think i just lost a toe
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
