Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
