Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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