So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
