Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize