I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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