is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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