so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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