life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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