You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
