oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
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Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
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Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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