Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
