Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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