Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
