i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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