Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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