took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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