just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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