Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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