We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
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when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
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I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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