You smell like stripper and shame
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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