Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
