dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
