were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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