She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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