Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
