You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
