I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
