I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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