It's a beautiful day for a hangover
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
