Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
