In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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