We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
