tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
