White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
