just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
