i need an iv and a liver transplant
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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