when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Randomize
