Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
