So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
