Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
