Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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