Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
