I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
