I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
