Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
