Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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