I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
you never un-have a 4some
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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