if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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