i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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