I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
