I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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