I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You just made me feel so damn special
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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